List Me Tender
Oh the syntactical sweetness of a list. Books to read and things to do lists, places to see and foods to eat lists. The list goes on. In the months to come, the space of this here page will overflow with your creatively conceptualized lists.
So send me your lists, whatever they may be. 6 Japanese fashion enigmas? The 3 weirdest textured foods you’ve encountered? Top 4 misconceptions about gaijin? 7 things you’d rather be doing than compiling lists?
Alas, you may not be a lover of lists. In which case, let me sway your conscience ….by way of … a list:
1. Slightly neurotic? Delicately OCD? Share your burdens in writing and give the gift of light reading material!
2. Lists are like a Utopian top 10 where the bottom 3 aren’t just fillers and where the top 3 don’t rain on the bottom 3’s parade.
3. The natural corollary to making a list is crossing things off the list. This act has the potential to release endorphins equal to that of eating cupcakes on a swing set on a sunny day. (This is difficult to objectively prove but I assure you it is 100% subjectively irrefutable
4. Conversely, if you abhor the idea of cupcakes on swing sets and prefer to hoard your endorphins, writing a list for lists sake is great for indulging procrastination and exhuming angst. It is also much more healthy than the procrastination methods of smoking, consuming caffeine, checking facebook and getting cancer of the fingers via excessive texting.
5. So I already mentioned that lists are cathartic, but did you also know that making lists is great for organizing and synthesizing information, improving mental clarity and agility as well as developing important life skills like. …Counting.
6. Even if all the above info is bunk, lists can be funny, informative and argumentative, and can provide an entertaining alternative to staring blankly at the cereal box in the morning.
7. I am indebted to lists for allowing me to get published without having to assemble a single cohesive paragraph.
Sincerely Yours from 1 through 7,
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